we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
