Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Randomize
