happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
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