He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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