Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
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