Heybabeimwearingurpanties
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Randomize
