The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
