my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
