I looked at my own cervix.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Randomize
