she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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