I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
