google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
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