Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
