he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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