Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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