she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Randomize
