Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Someone signed my nipple.
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