i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
