you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
