sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
