So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
