everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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