you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize