Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
