I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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