just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Hippo gnu deer
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
