I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
3 2 1 whiskey
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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