we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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