what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Randomize
