Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
