so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
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