Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
