Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize