If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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