Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
