How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
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