It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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