McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
