.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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