Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
