I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
