Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
