Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Randomize
