please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I pour the whiskey from now on
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
