I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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