kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
