whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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