Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I need moral support for this bender
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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