Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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