I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize