there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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