if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
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