dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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