my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
