What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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