I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
