It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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