Church boner. Awkwardddd
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
