he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
