You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Im part way to drunk.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
