the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
