You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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