I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
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