I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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