In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize