If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
