it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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