My first STD was from a foam party
i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
FUCK WHALES
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
