Heybabeimwearingurpanties
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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