You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
