yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
