What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Randomize