i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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