i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Randomize
