Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
