First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Randomize