My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
y did u give ur computer a hand job?
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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