i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
