I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize