So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
