yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
