What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
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