I'd wear matching sweaters with you
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
