your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
