So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize
