New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
