He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
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