the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Randomize
