Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
