i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Randomize
