I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
