how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Randomize
