Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Randomize
