and you said cock pushups were impossible
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
