Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
