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I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
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