i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I just forgot I was standing up.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
