ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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