haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
