Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize