There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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