He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
