I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
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