you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
