summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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