im drinking this country out of the recession.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Randomize
